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Piše: Ana Kolar, autorica bloga Blogogledalo

Dogodi se nešto. Neka glupa svađa, nesporazum ili nerazumijevanje i samo nestane. Sa svega, svugdje. Ne odgovara ni na što, ne reagira na poziv, poruku eventualno nakon par dana, ali šturo, kao da je neka druga osoba ili, možda još i gore, kao da ništa nije bilo, prenosi Živim.

Nema isprike, nema objašnjena, život bi tada trebao nastaviti tamo gdje je stao prije nego li je netragom nestao na par dana jer se on kao hladi. Tako sam si ja objasnila, da mu to treba, vrijeme da procesuira. Tako sam mislila prvi put kad je to napravio. Ali, bojim se da sam bila u krivu i da je to bio obrazac. Shvatila sam da sam bila u krivu nakon drugog ili trećeg „nestajanja“ u svrhu hlađenja, poboljšanja veze ili što je već u toj glavi bilo kao motiv i opravdanje za takvo ponašanje.

Opravdavala sam samoj sebi da možda nisam trebala to nešto reći ili napraviti, da idući put neću, izjedala bih se danima sama jer druge strane ne bi bilo. Nestala je ta druga strana i živjela lagodno dok bih ja samu sebe proždirala, mrzila i procesuirala svaki svoj postupak. Prolazili bi sati i dani u agoniji u kojoj sam ja bila neprijatelj, a ne on koji me na ovaj način muči za neku glupost koja je udarila u ego.

I nije to bilo rezervirano samo za partnere, bilo je toga i u prijateljskim odnosima. Kad bi se odjednom pojavili, javili se porukom i kao, sve je super i kad ćemo na kavu, što ima novog jer pazi sad, NISMO SE DUGO ČULI.

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Mene se kažnjava

Svaki put osjetila bih u jednu ruku olakšanje jer je period nestanka i šutnje gotov, s druge je u meni gorjelo i kipjelo da njemu/njoj sasujem sve u facu i kažem da se ne može tako ponašati. Da sazre i da, ako ima ikakav problem sa mnom (sa sobom, sa svijetom) neka ga izverbalizira i adresira gdje treba. I gotovo nikad nisam odabrala tu potonju opciju već bih ja bila ta koja je zašutjela i nastavila dalje. Kao, neće se ponoviti.

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image
/Shutterstock
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Nakon nekog vremena, uvidjela bih da dalje ne ide bez da se nešto ne iskomunicira, potegnula bih temu (naravno, prekasno) i često je loptica završila na mom terenu, a za šutnju i nestanak sam ja bila kriva. Samo potvrda onog u što sam sumnjala u vrijeme dok se šutjelo i pravilo da nije ništa. Potvrda da je to način na koji osoba funkcionira i, opet sam bila u pravu, mene kažnjava.

Nedugo kasnije probala sam, nakon svih lekcija i vježbi, shvatiti za što su me kažnjavali i došla sam do zaključka da se radi o osobama koje ne mogu podnijeti nikakav teret ni odgovornost pa da mene na ovaj način uvjere da ga ja sama podnesem. Da ja sam priznam krivicu za nešto što moja krivnja nije, i da, najgore moguće, sama i bez njihovog prisustva dođem do te ideje i otkrića.

Tako je, ja sam kriva, oni su mi to pokazali i sad bih trebala biti zahvalna i na lekciji i na drugoj prilici. Deset i više godina mlađa ja bi to tako i odigrala, ova sad, a i ona prije 5-7 godina ne bi nikako. Čim osjetim da bi netko, tko god, uslijed manje turbulencije mogao ispasti iz priče i onda se najednom vratiti, pozelenim i skratim svima muku. Kažem što je i kako je i u čemu je stvaran problem i da ne mislim čekati da se eto, samo riješi, ili da ja prihvatim krivicu. Naravno, nekad sam i sama za nešto kriva, daleko od toga, no nikad mi nije bilo lakše to priznati nego nakon godina iskustva s krivim ljudima. Zajebem, pa što? Dokle smo svi živi i neokrznuti, bez većih ožiljaka, sve se da popraviti i/ili zaboraviti. Ali ne pada mi na pamet ikad više i sekundu razbijati glavu da zašto se netko nije javio, gdje je i što si misli. Spremna sam na vlastite uši čuti i najteže istine kao i na vlastite oči vidjeti najcrnije scenarije, ali samo ako su istiniti. Na one koje mi netko želi nametnuti maltretirajući me i manipulirajući šutnjom ne pristajem. Ima drugih ljudi, koji se znaju i posvađati i naljutiti, ali i pomiriti onako kako treba. Kao ljudi. Zreli ljudi.

Do idućeg puta, zagrlite samo one koji se znaju posvađati s vama.

 

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Piše: Ana Kolar, autorica bloga Blogogledalo

Dogodi se nešto. Neka glupa svađa, nesporazum ili nerazumijevanje i samo nestane. Sa svega, svugdje. Ne odgovara ni na što, ne reagira na poziv, poruku eventualno nakon par dana, ali šturo, kao da je neka druga osoba ili, možda još i gore, kao da ništa nije bilo, prenosi Živim.

Nema isprike, nema objašnjena, život bi tada trebao nastaviti tamo gdje je stao prije nego li je netragom nestao na par dana jer se on kao hladi. Tako sam si ja objasnila, da mu to treba, vrijeme da procesuira. Tako sam mislila prvi put kad je to napravio. Ali, bojim se da sam bila u krivu i da je to bio obrazac. Shvatila sam da sam bila u krivu nakon drugog ili trećeg „nestajanja“ u svrhu hlađenja, poboljšanja veze ili što je već u toj glavi bilo kao motiv i opravdanje za takvo ponašanje.

Opravdavala sam samoj sebi da možda nisam trebala to nešto reći ili napraviti, da idući put neću, izjedala bih se danima sama jer druge strane ne bi bilo. Nestala je ta druga strana i živjela lagodno dok bih ja samu sebe proždirala, mrzila i procesuirala svaki svoj postupak. Prolazili bi sati i dani u agoniji u kojoj sam ja bila neprijatelj, a ne on koji me na ovaj način muči za neku glupost koja je udarila u ego.

I nije to bilo rezervirano samo za partnere, bilo je toga i u prijateljskim odnosima. Kad bi se odjednom pojavili, javili se porukom i kao, sve je super i kad ćemo na kavu, što ima novog jer pazi sad, NISMO SE DUGO ČULI.

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Mene se kažnjava

Svaki put osjetila bih u jednu ruku olakšanje jer je period nestanka i šutnje gotov, s druge je u meni gorjelo i kipjelo da njemu/njoj sasujem sve u facu i kažem da se ne može tako ponašati. Da sazre i da, ako ima ikakav problem sa mnom (sa sobom, sa svijetom) neka ga izverbalizira i adresira gdje treba. I gotovo nikad nisam odabrala tu potonju opciju već bih ja bila ta koja je zašutjela i nastavila dalje. Kao, neće se ponoviti.

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image
/Shutterstock
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Nakon nekog vremena, uvidjela bih da dalje ne ide bez da se nešto ne iskomunicira, potegnula bih temu (naravno, prekasno) i često je loptica završila na mom terenu, a za šutnju i nestanak sam ja bila kriva. Samo potvrda onog u što sam sumnjala u vrijeme dok se šutjelo i pravilo da nije ništa. Potvrda da je to način na koji osoba funkcionira i, opet sam bila u pravu, mene kažnjava.

Nedugo kasnije probala sam, nakon svih lekcija i vježbi, shvatiti za što su me kažnjavali i došla sam do zaključka da se radi o osobama koje ne mogu podnijeti nikakav teret ni odgovornost pa da mene na ovaj način uvjere da ga ja sama podnesem. Da ja sam priznam krivicu za nešto što moja krivnja nije, i da, najgore moguće, sama i bez njihovog prisustva dođem do te ideje i otkrića.

Tako je, ja sam kriva, oni su mi to pokazali i sad bih trebala biti zahvalna i na lekciji i na drugoj prilici. Deset i više godina mlađa ja bi to tako i odigrala, ova sad, a i ona prije 5-7 godina ne bi nikako. Čim osjetim da bi netko, tko god, uslijed manje turbulencije mogao ispasti iz priče i onda se najednom vratiti, pozelenim i skratim svima muku. Kažem što je i kako je i u čemu je stvaran problem i da ne mislim čekati da se eto, samo riješi, ili da ja prihvatim krivicu. Naravno, nekad sam i sama za nešto kriva, daleko od toga, no nikad mi nije bilo lakše to priznati nego nakon godina iskustva s krivim ljudima. Zajebem, pa što? Dokle smo svi živi i neokrznuti, bez većih ožiljaka, sve se da popraviti i/ili zaboraviti. Ali ne pada mi na pamet ikad više i sekundu razbijati glavu da zašto se netko nije javio, gdje je i što si misli. Spremna sam na vlastite uši čuti i najteže istine kao i na vlastite oči vidjeti najcrnije scenarije, ali samo ako su istiniti. Na one koje mi netko želi nametnuti maltretirajući me i manipulirajući šutnjom ne pristajem. Ima drugih ljudi, koji se znaju i posvađati i naljutiti, ali i pomiriti onako kako treba. Kao ljudi. Zreli ljudi.

Do idućeg puta, zagrlite samo one koji se znaju posvađati s vama.

 

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StoryEditorOCM
ŽivotDOSTA JE BILO

Ucjenjivao me šutnjom i nestajanjem, pravio ludom kako bih mislila da sam ja krivac! Prolazili bi dani u agoniji

Piše MOZAIK SD
18. travnja 2023. - 08:54
24721584
PREMIUM
/Shutterstock

Piše: Ana Kolar, autorica bloga Blogogledalo

Dogodi se nešto. Neka glupa svađa, nesporazum ili nerazumijevanje i samo nestane. Sa svega, svugdje. Ne odgovara ni na što, ne reagira na poziv, poruku eventualno nakon par dana, ali šturo, kao da je neka druga osoba ili, možda još i gore, kao da ništa nije bilo, prenosi Živim.

Nema isprike, nema objašnjena, život bi tada trebao nastaviti tamo gdje je stao prije nego li je netragom nestao na par dana jer se on kao hladi. Tako sam si ja objasnila, da mu to treba, vrijeme da procesuira. Tako sam mislila prvi put kad je to napravio. Ali, bojim se da sam bila u krivu i da je to bio obrazac. Shvatila sam da sam bila u krivu nakon drugog ili trećeg „nestajanja“ u svrhu hlađenja, poboljšanja veze ili što je već u toj glavi bilo...

#ŠUTNJA#EMOCIONALNO MANIPULIRANJE#UCJENA
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17. svibanj 2024 05:46